We all are parents. Then why all that judgment?
At the store, a woman and a man are looking through stuff. The woman is also on the phone.
“It’s ok. It’s stormy outside. You don’t have to come”, she says and hangs up the phone. Then she continues, while turning to her husband: “George is not coming. It’s stormy outside”.
They are right behind me so I only hear the words, no look at the faces. The conversation sounded pretty normal.
And then I hear her voice again: “Of course you roll your eyes”.
“I don’t have to hear all your crap”, the man says.
And then the final sentence of the wife: “Your son is a crap? You moron!”
And they continue to look through stuff like nothing happened.
I’m the only one, I think, that stops for a moment. I remember writing right that morning something about relationships. But they are not talking about them, they are talking about their kid, no matter the age.
And then it hits me.
Do I know them? Do I know what day they had, how is their relationship or family? If the words they used have power on them or it’s just the way they talk, although it’s not my way of speaking to my partner? NO! So who the hell I am to even have the smallest seed of judgment?
I lived my time of being judged! It wasn’t pleasant at all! I am not going that road! It’s not my place!
I remember when my kid was just a little baby. How almost everyone around us were judging.
“The baby should be able to sleep everywhere, in any circumstances. With light, with loud music, by himself”.
“How is that to have a program and fit your program to your child’s program? You should adjust baby’s program to your own. Couse you still have a life”.
“I don’t understand! You stay home all day. You don’t go to work. You just stay with your kid. Do you know how you look like?”
And the judgment never stops.
“You subscribed your kid to a state kindergarten? Do you know how is there? What he eats?”
And my favorite nowadays: “He’s a big boy. Too much cuddling! And you still carry him?”
It doesn’t matter if the kid is tired or ill. Or if you feel exhausted and overwhelmed.
It’s all about “standards”, labeling, judgment, comparison and competition. Who’s best. Smartest kid. Or most loved parent.
Who cares? Are you my son’s mom? Is your son mine? NO! Maybe we should all focus on our own life more than looking over the fence in others’ home and family.
Nobody’s perfect! There is no perfection! We all try our best to be as good as we can for us, for our kids.
Do we make mistakes? OF COURSE! Do we have moments when it looks like we are screwing things up? ABSOLUTELY! Do we even wonder how did it occurred to us that we can do this? OH, YES!
So why all this judgments? Does it really make us feel better? Or is just a scream for appreciation for all our efforts? And if so, is it thinking worse of others the best way to receive a round of applause for our parenting? And where this need of being recognized as best parents is coming from? Somehow, I feel it’s only in our head. Driven by the society pressure. With no real value at all.
If we could just stop looking at the others. And stop looking for outside approval. All the answers should be in your kid’s eyes, smiles and hugs.