Words I couldn’t say back then

I wish I could have been stronger. Or wiser. Or, at least, a better friend.
Somehow I couldn’t say everything I wanted to say.
I just hope that the words will reach to you, one way or another. Better later than never.
These are the words I couldn’t say back then.

Thank you! For being my friend for a very long time. The friend I needed. The friend I cherished and I was really grateful for.
I don’t believe you actually know how much you mean to me. And how much I treasure the moments we spent together and the long daily phone calls we had. We laughed and we cried together. We were the best support for each other. The energy we needed every day, the first person coming to mind to share good and not so good news.
I really can not say when and how we became so good friends. Probably this is not important. The biggest and most important thing is that life, God or Universe brought us together. And you’ve had a huge impact on my heart and my life.
Now it hurts. Really bad.
I wish I could have the power to take the pain away. To erase everything that’s hurting you.
I feel so small in this world that I can’t do anything for you. You say that I’m helping you. With a thought, a phonecall or a text. Why do I feel that it’s not enough? Probably, because it’s not.
I know that my heart and my good thoughts go to you. And I hope they will give you power to fight along.
There was a moment last year when you left for a while. Even from yourself. You know very well what I’m talking about. I cried so much. It felt like loosing you for good. And I couldn’t and didn’t want to say goodbye to my old friend. Fortunately, you came back. And for a while my hopes rouse up. I’d really hoped we could come back to the moment we left off.
But life didn’t want to cut you loose. And it hit you big time.
And now I am afraid. I know it’s not the place for me to be the one who’s crying and being afraid. Because you are the one in pain. You must be the one wondering where this life is going or how long it will still last.
I just can’t help myself. I am not strong enough. I can not find my words. I don’t know what to say, how to say it, how to make you feel better, how to save you.
I just hope that you know that I am here for you. Although I must be looking like I’m made of stone, or cold. It’s probably my way of staying sane or protecting myself from despair.
Am I to greedy if I’m asking for a miracle?